Drinking Stories


Trunk Monkey
Jul 1, 2008
Sydney, Australia
No matter who you meet in the world, chances are they will have some pretty funny drinking stories. Lets hear some of yours!

I'll start.

Not sure if I posted this on here before, but about a month ago one of my regular drinking buddies decided to go solo one Sunday night at our local sports bar after the rest of us called it a night. He's English and, because of this hereditary disability, he really can't handle is alcohol. Anyway, long story short he ended up at the brothel, "City Rose", across the road from the bar. The bouncers from the bar were even yelling out to him, "Hey Chris! Don't go in there! It's nasty!" Being drunk and English, he chose to ignore common sense and went in.

The next morning at work he pulled me aside and told me what he vaguely remembers of the night before. The Madame inside had told him all the girls were currently occupied but she might be able to find someone for him shortly. 5 minutes later, a nasty-looking overweight woman walked through the doorway. Wearing sunglasses. At some ungodly hour in the morning. She said something along the lines of "hey sexy - are you ready?" to him. He laughed and said something like "you must be desperate for a John if you're calling ME sexy". At this point she turned to face him, as if she didn't know where he was until he actually spoke to her.

Chris was stunned. He couldn't believe what was in front of him. A fat, blind hooker. Anyway, he talked the Madam down from the regular $100 (City Rose is famous in the area for being VERY cheap due to their employees being tundra-wookies) to $60. So Chris went in, she spent 10 minutes just trying to get the condom on him then apparently started boucing on him like you'd expect a fattie would do in a cock-breaking fashion.

He told me he was laughing the whole time and kept asking her things like "Do you like watching the pornos they play in the lobby?" while she pretended she wasn't blind and knew exactly what he was talking about.

No amount of excuses for "being so drunk" could prevent us from reminding him on a daily basis of this (mis)adventure of his. It was love at first sight... on a blind date. Bahahaha!

Anyway.. he currently is leading our group in terms of Man-Points this year with several other similar exploits to his name.