Jokes NSD

Shade

I fucking rule!
Mar 20, 2008
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Nowhere
I totally could use hearing some good jokes. I dont really feel like sorting through the crap on the joke sites, specially good sick jokes. tell me some. And ummm, dumass, your not allowed to post in this thread, Hence the Not Safe for Dumass tag.
 

Bunnee

*gigglesnorts*
Founder
Apr 25, 2008
655
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Orstrayleeuh
Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?


A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
 

Scabman

I has title
Founder
Mar 20, 2008
1,202
5
68
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Norwyay
How many Alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

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Whats the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods had a decent driver!

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What's black and doesn't work?

Half of London.
 

Shade

I fucking rule!
Mar 20, 2008
483
0
16
41
Nowhere
How many Alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

--------------


Whats the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods had a decent driver!

--------------

What's black and doesn't work?

Half of London.
hahahha

How many psychatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

How does that make you feel?

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So 4 gay guys walk into this biker bar. The one gay guy says 'can we seating for for?' So the bartender looks around, and notices all the tables are full, all thats left is one bar stool. So he looks at the gay guys and smiles. 'Sure' And flips the bar stool upside down'
 

Scabman

I has title
Founder
Mar 20, 2008
1,202
5
68
34
Norwyay
The new barman in the pub is black, so i said to him "Beer please, nigger".
He hit the roof and said "Why don't we swap places, let's see how you like it".
So i went round the bar, he walked out then came back in and said
"beer please, honkey"

I said, "Sorry mate, we don't serve niggers in here"
 

Scarlet

.
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
1,741
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A sick joke?

OK, you asked for one.


Q. What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg....?

A. A homesick abortion.
 

Scabman

I has title
Founder
Mar 20, 2008
1,202
5
68
34
Norwyay
Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China?

Everybody won.

HAHAHAHAHAHH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
 

Scarlet

.
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
1,741
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There is a man in the park peeing in a fountain and a cop comes up to him and says, "Sir you need to zip that up. You aren't supposed to pee in a public fountain like that"

So the cop is leaving and the man zips up his pants but is laughing hysterically. finally the cop says "What are you laughing at?" and the man says "I zipped it up but I didnt stop!"
 

Amadeus

Dude!
Apr 7, 2008
54
0
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Why the fuck do you care?
A guy walks into a bar. He sits up at the bar, and orders a beer. In the corner, there sits a horse, just simply roped to a pole, and a pot of cash on the floor next to him. The guy asks the bartender, "What's the deal with the horse?"

The bartender replies, "Well, there's a contest goin' on amongst the patrons. If you can make the horse laugh, you get the pot of cash on the floor. It's about $1,000, so not a bad deal."

The guy takes a sip of his beer, and walks on over to the horse. He leans into his ear for a couple seconds, and the horse busts a fucking gut rolling on the floor laughing. The guy picks up the pot of cash and leaves.

About a month later, the same guy walks back into the bar, and sees the horse sitting there once again, with a pot of cash on the floor. He walks up to the bar, orders a beer, and asks about the horse.

The bartender goes, "Well, this time, you have to make the horse cry."

Without missing a beat, he walks over the horse, and the thing cripples in tears. He picks up the cash and heads for the door. The bartender yells out, "Hey, at least tell us how you did it."

The guy walks up to the bartender and replies, "Well, the first time, I told him that I had a bigger dick than he did. The second time, I showed him."
 

Scarlet

.
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
1,741
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Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
little bo peep was giving him head.
As soon as he came she started to weep
for she knew by the taste, he'd been fucking her sheep.