Marriage is fucking stupid.

Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
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Mar 10, 2008
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Top Ten Reasons why Marriage is Stupid

Why would any man marry a woman who HATED him enough to let me go through with it?

Marriage is fucked and stupid and the second fastest way any young man can ruin his life. The first fastest way is by having a child. Try folding an index card in half twenty times. That’s how hard it is to find beer money or a blowjob in the budget once you’ve got a kid.


Here are the top ten reasons why marriage is stupid.


10. It Fucks With Other People’s Plans

When you announce the State of Emergency that is a modern wedding, you instantly fuck
up the weekend plans of 200 close friends and family members. That’s 200 weekends shot
straight down the drain in your emotional circle jerk of matrimony. That’s why marriage is
so miserable. You’ve got to pay karma back 200 shitty weekends in a row for the ones
you stole from everyone else.

Do you know how often Styx plays at the Hollywood Bowl?

Fuck your stupid wedding.






9. The Biology of your Manology

Everything in your genetic makeup tells you to eat, drink, and fuck as many broads as possible.
That’s why all that shit feels good. Your brain is hard wired for it.

There is nothing in your MNA (Man-DNA) that tells you to get married. In fact, your MNA is against it!

Not eating things that smell like shit and taste like shit is also in your MNA. It’s a genetic safeguard
against eating feces.

That means that biologically speaking, you need to have just as good a reason to get
married as you do to eat your own shit.

I think you’ll find that that makes sense.




8. PD-Nay’s

Question: What is a PDA?
Manswer: A Personal Digital assistant, that I use to get business done.
Womanswer: A Public Display of Affection.

AKA, something no one over 13 should give a fuck about.

Public displays of affection are illegal. I show my affection for a woman by railing her over
the bathroom counter or by letting her bounce around on my lap whilst I’m watching
the History channel. A wedding is an emotional money shot all over your face in front of
your pals and parents. Does that sound like something you want them to see?
And since when did it become acceptable for men to start blubbering at a wedding. I don’t
care if your dead dog is laying in front of you or “it’s raining beer”, crying is always a loss of all Man Points.


7. The Odds

The odds of a marriage working aren’t 50/50, they’re six billion to one. As far as I can tell, John McCain
is the only happily married man in history. Are you married to a beer heiress who you also cheated on
and she’s cool with it? Then you’re not a happily married man.
Marriage is a daily string of embarrassing compromise, misunderstandings and punctuated only by
divine moments of fiscal responsibility.

Go to Vegas and bet your house, your car, your friends, and any pussy you’ll be getting for the next
seven years on Black. If you can do that, you’re ready to get married.



6. Get a Maid

Get a maid, a butler, a babysitter, and a chef. It’s cheaper in the long run.



5. The Honda CBR 1100
The average wedding costs $10,000. The average Honda CBR 1100 costs exactly that!

Imagine carrying your drunk ass wife over the threshold of your honeymoon suite so she
can start on the lifeless, frigid dent she’s going to put in your bed over the next 7 years.

Now imagine a bunch of hot jailbait bitches asking you questions about your new ten
thousand dollar pussy machine that is the Honda CBR 1100.

If scientists ever create an artificial vagina, it will have a Ducati logo stamped on the side.


4. Jesus Didn’t Do it.

The answer to, “What would Jesus Do?” Is that he wouldn’t get married. Jesus did not get
married, and he didn’t get married for one very good reason:

He had shit to do.

Jesus did more shit than anyone else in history and he was only able to do so because he
didn’t have some shit-anchor wife nagging on his nuts 24 hours a day.

Besides, do you know how many bitches Jesus hooked up with? I’ve read the Bible front to back three times.
Do you know what I learned the second time through? There are tons of ways to fornicate with a
woman and Biblegally get away with it.

Biblegally is a word I just invented to properly amalgamate the awesome power of the Bible with the
utility of an argument based on semantics. I think it’s quite clever.

And even if you say Jesus hooked up with “zero” chicks, that’s still just as many as your average married man.
The wedding ring you buy your fiancee is the exact same size your dick would have to be to fuck her.
Congratulations, Mini Me. You’re the only married man getting laid.


3. Marital Rape is an Oxymoron

How in the fuck can there be rape in a marriage? What’s next, is an employer unlawfully detaining
you by asking you to postpone your lunch break? Is it molestation when a fireman carries a
kid from a burning orphanage?


Fact. A wedding ring is a VIP pass to backstage vagina. Anal is still for sale, but pussy is guaranteed.



2. Marriage is a Business

Never make a business decision based on emotions.
You don’t sign a lease on a dare. You don’t buy a used car because the dealer calls you cheap.
You don’t race Needles because he calls you a chicken.

You don’t get married because you feel like you’re in love.




1. It's Mine, bitch !


Dude .. go get ALL your stuff, everything from your old ass comic books to your newest electronic gadget.

Now on a one for one basis make two piles of stuff. YOU DO NOT get to decide what goes where,
you can not put all the good stuff on one pile.

Ok, give one pile away, because that is the stuff that your new bitch is gonna hate during your
marriage and force you to get rid of.

The second pile is the stuff she is gonna take when she divorces your dumb ass in about 5 years.


Reach in your pockets .. feel that? That's all you get to take with you.


Dumb ass.


Taken from
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/top-ten-reasons-marriage-is-stupid/

I made a few creative edits.
 

Negativecool

Gold Member
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May 30, 2008
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I've found that the secret to a happy marriage, on your end, is to marry someone that is out of your league--better than you in every way.
For example, I was lucky enough to convince a brilliant rich girl with a tight ass that I was worthy of banging her coozy.
Now that bitch is stuck with me. The only way out of it for her, is to kill me.

You can achieve a happy marriage too. Maybe all you need is some outside influence--such as constantly keeping your partner drugged up, lethargic, and open to suggestion. Or through good old fashioned deceitful manipulation and lies to get them to agree to marry. Either way, if you're happy, that's all that matters.

In short, I fucking win.
 

jeepneasy

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... Out fucking standing...... I had to cut and past this one in my pc for the next time one of my fucktard friends decides to get married
 

Pud

Yaa!
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Apr 20, 2010
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Looks like the studies are starting to support Cranium's position:

From the Atlantic:


  • Marriage has few well-being benefits over cohabitation. This one's going to hurt that pro-family values cadre. Turns out marriage has fewer benefits than some would like. "While married couples experienced health gains – likely linked to the formal benefits of marriage such as shared healthcare plans," starts off researcher Kelly Musick, with seemingly good advice for marriage advocates. "Cohabiting couples experienced greater gains in happiness and self-esteem. For some, cohabitation may come with fewer unwanted obligations than marriage and allow for more flexibility, autonomy, and personal growth," she continues, bringing the marriage myth down with her. This should satisfy The Atlantic's resident single lady Kate Bolick. [Journal of Marriage and Family]

Here's the link to the article. <-- Includes fun facts about how to choke each other for a cheap high!
 

Zeabot

Californium
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Oct 25, 2013
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Cohabiting couples experienced greater gains in happiness and self-esteem. For some, cohabitation may come with fewer unwanted obligations than marriage and allow for more flexibility, autonomy, and personal growth
I would say personality is the confounding variable here -- people who choose marriage and people who choose to cohabitation are two different people. The original article does not explain how they accounted for that.