Privacy

Severina

Sapphic Erotic
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
63
0
6
44
How would you react to your partner secretly going through your texts on your mobile (cell), e-mails and mail etc? Assume for arguments sake that you are not having an affair etc and have done nothing (in yours and other eyes) to warrant such behaviour.

Personally l find such people that do this invariably sad and seem to suffer from insecurity. Because they are looking for something to prove their fears, they eventually find it but in reality have entirely misinterpreted a totally innocent communication.

l had a partner who did this and said partner quickly became an ex-partner.
 

funeeman

Spank Me!
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
586
1
16
45
North Main Street
Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.
 

Severina

Sapphic Erotic
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
63
0
6
44
Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.
So, it would not bother you that you had arranged a special evening for your partner as a surprise ... or Xmas/Birthday/Anniversary presents and they knew about it ... or a close relative/friend has confided in you in strict confidence asking your advice and your partner then spies on this?

As for your second part ... no.
 

Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
Founder
Mar 10, 2008
5,012
25
178
Fayettenam Area, NC
Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.
If you been with your partner for some time. I see no problem with what she see's. But if there's trust, there's no need to look anyway.:yociexp37:

I call bullshit.

A marriage or long term relationship is NOT a license to give up one's individuality.

Especially in a marriage where one expects and desires to grow old together there HAS to be some separation of powers.

I will not open mail that comes to this house with someone else's name on it, I will NOT look through a purse or a cell phone or any
correspondence without her permission. And it's a renewable permission .. i.e ASK every time.


This does not mean that I would not trust my mate, nor does this mean I have anything to hide.

You guys do what ever the fuck floats your boat, but I would be fairly pissed if my 'significant other' were to feel the need to interrogate me by proxy.

Have the fucking decency to stand in his/her face and say I want to look, may I ?
 

funeeman

Spank Me!
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
586
1
16
45
North Main Street
So, it would not bother you that you had arranged a special evening for your partner as a surprise ... or Xmas/Birthday/Anniversary presents and they knew about it ... or a close relative/friend has confided in you in strict confidence asking your advice and your partner then spies on this?

As for your second part ... no.
If they ruin it for themselves its not my fault. And as far as a "confidence" those get shared with my spouse regardless and vice versa.

To address Prick...there is a clear separation of powers so to speak. I do not know everything my spouse does or says, etc but there shouldn't be anything done that the other should be afraid to share with the other. I've said and done things I hope my wife never finds out about but at the same time if she does. .I was the one stupid enough to do it in the first place. I won't be mad because she found me out by looking at my email or text messages. That violation of the relationship is not her issue its mine.
 

Violet

Yaa!
Founder
Feb 28, 2014
765
9
18
I'd only have a problem with it if he was constantly rummaging though my stuff. There's a huge difference between being curious and trying to catch me in the act of something. I should hope if he truly thought something was going on he'd approach me with it first.
 

*Lins*

You Fail.
Founder
Mar 16, 2008
95
0
6
34
Canada
How would you react to your partner secretly going through your texts on your mobile (cell), e-mails and mail etc? Assume for arguments sake that you are not having an affair etc and have done nothing (in yours and other eyes) to warrant such behaviour.

Personally l find such people that do this invariably sad and seem to suffer from insecurity. Because they are looking for something to prove their fears, they eventually find it but in reality have entirely misinterpreted a totally innocent communication.

l had a partner who did this and said partner quickly became an ex-partner.

Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to be upset about. So what, if they want to check on ya and see what you're doing behind their back. And I'm guessing they went behind your back and checked your phone because you are probably secretive with your phone which may lead them to believe that something might be up.
 

Scarlet

.
Founder
Mar 3, 2008
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I feel it is an invasion of privacy to read anyones private material without their prior permission, whether it is text, email, diary, cellphone or whatever. Should someone do so then they deserve to have their worst fears realised. It is a clear indication of lack of trust regardless if you later state you did it "out of concern for the individual." It is preferable to discuss your suspicions with the person concerned if you feel they are hiding something.
 

Severina

Sapphic Erotic
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
63
0
6
44
Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to be upset about. So what, if they want to check on ya and see what you're doing behind their back. And I'm guessing they went behind your back and checked your phone because you are probably secretive with your phone which may lead them to believe that something might be up.
Guessing is right. Having your phone in your handbag is not secretive and neither is not saying what is on it. Whilst at work l am constantly in communication with work colleagues and clients who have nothing to do with my home life. Should l come home everyday and report every communication l had or do l sit there and explain every communication as my partner goes through each and everyone?

What a wonderful relationship that would be! l wouldn't do it to them and expect the same in return. lt's called trust and respect.
 

Severina

Sapphic Erotic
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
63
0
6
44
I feel it is an invasion of privacy to read anyones private material without their prior permission, whether it is text, email, diary, cellphone or whatever. Should someone do so then they deserve to have their worst fears realised. It is a clear indication of lack of trust regardless if you later state you did it "out of concern for the individual." It is preferable to discuss your suspicions with the person concerned if you feel they are hiding something.
Seemingly in the UK it is illegal to open any letters or e-mails not addressed to you.
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
2
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34
Seattle, WA
I don't think there is really a right or wrong answer to this situation, it really just depends on the person.

I am the jealous type because i am waaaay insecure, so i have all of my guys e-mail passwords and his myspace and everything.

I don't go and snoop through his stuff, i just asked for them to see what he would do and he passed the test. I have had trust issues with other relationships so i just feel safer know that i have the option.

But its also not really cool for someone to over do it and totally try to make every little thing into a cheating scenario.

What i'm trying to say is i can't help having the issues that i do and i try not to project them on him, but its hard.

I really admire the people that can just blindly trust someone like that though, its kinda romantic. =)

But if anyone ever did that to me i wouldn't be annoyed or offended because i totally understand the reasons behind it. Its also a good way to keep me in line and keep us both totally honest with eachother.
 

Chriss

BAMF
Mar 15, 2008
108
0
16
37
Tampa, FL
I'm on the fence about this. It could really go either way. I am totally insecure. I've been cheated on and it scarred me, like I'm sure alot of people have. I'll admit, I've gone through my other half's phone, his email, his everything. He's also been through mine. We've both been hurt so its just better for us to be able to have that openness. Insecurity can be a little fucker in the back of your head, you know?

I honestly think that if your other half asks, you shouldn't have a problem with it. Its being open. My boyfriend and I have each other's passwords for just about everything just because we feel that it makes us more secure in our relationship to have that option. We had a rocky start because we were so scared, and I think it makes us a bit closer. But, that's just us.
 

Chriss

BAMF
Mar 15, 2008
108
0
16
37
Tampa, FL
This does not mean that I would not trust my mate, nor does this mean I have anything to hide.

You guys do what ever the fuck floats your boat, but I would be fairly pissed if my 'significant other' were to feel the need to interrogate me by proxy.

Have the fucking decency to stand in his/her face and say I want to look, may I ?
That's understandable, and you're right. A couple should be able to ask, but they also need to be able to trust their other half.
 

KommieKat

Mao's Pet Cat
Founder
Mar 2, 2008
3,497
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Hong Kong, hiding from the Kommies!
I would not dig it at all.
An ex-g/f did this. She found my diary (not a daily diary) and found things pertaining to my ex-wife.

She just ended up getting herself up in riot over something that was none of her business, and at the time I wrote those things, I was married.

My present partner in life and I do not share email passwords or any other passwords.
She has her privacy, I have mine.

Lins:
"Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide."


That may be, but 9 out of 10 times, it will be the person who is doing the snooping is the one with something to hide.
 

Severina

Sapphic Erotic
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
63
0
6
44
I would not dig it at all.
An ex-g/f did this. She found my diary (not a daily diary) and found things pertaining to my ex-wife.

She just ended up getting herself up in riot over something that was none of her business, and at the time I wrote those things, I was married.

My present partner in life and I do not share email passwords or any other passwords.
She has her privacy, I have mine.

Lins:
"Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide."


That may be, but 9 out of 10 times, it will be the person who is doing the snooping is the one with something to hide.
l agree totally. l can never understand people who say we share everything. ln fact, l don't believe they do.