Read this, it's neat.

Polar Bear

ppbbtt! -excuse me.
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"Cookies" by Douglas Adams

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong.

I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.

I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind.

Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.

It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.

You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?

In the end I thought, nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.

Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice . . ." I mean, it doesn't really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.

Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.

The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.
 

KommieKat

Mao's Pet Cat
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Hong Kong, hiding from the Kommies!
"Falafel Sandwich" by Kommiekat

I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind.

I was in UCLA collage town, about 1985.
I ordered a falafel sandwich. The ones that have the lamb kebab meat and creamy cucumber sauce.

I was waiting in line with customers in front and back, moving along with the counter, length wise.

My order came up. It was placed on the counter, the customer before me was waiting for his. He was next for the cashier.

I reached up and took some meat in my hands and eat a chunk.
I took another chunk of meat.
The dude in front asks me "Is that yours?" I said, "Yes." He said, "No, it isn't, it's mine.

Right after saying that, my actual order came up, mine was the same as his. I was eating his food.

I said, "Man, so sorry. We can trade trays or I can get you a coffee or something."

He said, "It's cool. Don't sweat it."

Somewhere in this world, there is another dude walking around with the same story. That makes us brothers. Lost brothers. Somewhere, in the world. This big big world. Brothers. Me and him.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
I read that story for the first time in Mr. Adams' compilation "The Ultimate Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy"

That man is a comedic genius and, from what I understand, fairly brilliant in other things as well.

In the forward of the above-mentioned book, he talks about his inspiration for writing the book. In it, he mentions being in a town in Germany (I think) and stopping to ask directions several times and seeming to find a mute every time. After the third or fourth time he wanders into a pub and proceeds to get shit-faced drunk, lamenting the luck he has had, only to finally read that there is a Deaf Persons Convention in town that day.

I am probably wrong about a few of the details but the gist is there.

That man has a lot of my respect.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
Dude, I don't want to get into a PC/MAC war with you, but that mouse you're using was invented by engineers who once worked for Xerox and defected to Apple. Just saying.
Just a small point, but Mac's ARE PC's. The hardware and software differ, but not the application of tech. However, simply utilizing a type of tech that had been invented by a competitor does not constitute superiority. Newer and better things are ALWAYS designed based on older and less useful models. Needless to say, the old one button mouse was the pimp shit in its day. But the idea was improved upon by adding another button to facilitate more functionality, and from there further improved to include a scroll wheel and a laser and wireless tech so that now, I have my computer plugged into my HDTV while I sit on my ass in my lay-z-boy with my wireless keyboard and mouse in my lap.

Also, Mac's are for pretentious snobs who have too much money and not enough common sense.
 

KommieKat

Mao's Pet Cat
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but Mac's ARE PC's.

Also, Mac's are for pretentious snobs who have too much money and not enough common sense.
Are you done? Did you bother to breath with all this spew?
You missed the point.

It was MAC and not WIN that came out with the mouse. Got it? Good.

I know what a fucking PC is, Jr. The common term HERE, is PC no matter how wrong it is.

You might want to tell those snobbish computer graphic designers, computer aided designers, desk top publishers and the boys and girls at Pixel Arts who design Toy Story and the like that they are snobs.

I guess that makes the man you have a lot of respect for a pretentious snob with no common sense. Happy reading!
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
Are you done? Did you bother to breath with all this spew?
You missed the point.

It was MAC and not WIN that came out with the mouse. Got it? Good.

I know what a fucking PC is, Jr. The common term HERE, is PC no matter how wrong it is.

You might want to tell those snobbish computer graphic designers, computer aided designers, desk top publishers and the boys and girls at Pixel Arts who design Toy Story and the like that they are snobs.

I guess that makes the man you have a lot of respect for a pretentious snob with no common sense. Happy reading!
Seriously, take a midol.

You are talking about personal computers in one post then you go on and talk about industrial ones in another. Apple makes great industrial computers. Shebang, win, whoopty do. Hell, part of Bill Gate's house was designed using Apple computers. What does that have to do with Apple PC's? The post I responded to referred to the so called "Mac vs PC" debate, and you referenced the invention of the mouse as proof of the superiority of Apple for the home computer. MY point and subsequent rebuttal is that just because someone came out with something FIRST does not mean they made/make it BEST. Or perhaps you would rather we all drive around in the original, steam powered automobiles or fly around in the Wright Brothers prototype aircraft?

And considering Apple makes whole computer systems and Microsoft merely makes an OS (and a shoddy one, too) pointing out that "WIN" didn't make a mouse is about as brilliant of a deduction as I've ever seen.


Also..having to resort to cursing at me and calling me names because you cannot refute my points is childish. Proof is here:
I know what a fucking PC is, Jr. The common term HERE, is PC no matter how wrong it is.
Do you ever actually read what you write? Because that really doesn't make any sense.
 

KommieKat

Mao's Pet Cat
Founder
Mar 2, 2008
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Hong Kong, hiding from the Kommies!
and you referenced the invention of the mouse as proof of the superiority of Apple for the home computer.
I never mentioned anything about one being better than the other.

That is what YOU read into it. By mentioning the Mouse, being invented by Apple simply means you are as of now using something from that companies contribution to the PC world.

That being, your comment here: "Everything/anything from Apple is still reserved for pretentious cocks.", makes you a pretentious cock.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
I never mentioned anything about one being better than the other.

That is what YOU read into it. By mentioning the Mouse, being invented by Apple simply means you are as of now using something from that companies contribution to the PC world.

That being, your comment here: "Everything/anything from Apple is still reserved for pretentious cocks.", makes you a pretentious cock.
I wrote that.
Jesus Kommie, you really DON'T actually read this shit, do you? I was trying to have a discussion and you got personal. Sorry you can't hack it. Good day.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
OK there little buddy?
See this? Little retarded comments like that are why nobody likes you. I started off having a fairly simple, if tangential, discussion about computers and you went on a personal attack. Which invalidated anything you had to say, because it showed how childish you are. You have to call people names in order to "WIN" (see what I did there?) arguments. AND then you lovingly ignore anything that doesn't suit you. Good day sir. I shall not be bothering with you again.
 

KommieKat

Mao's Pet Cat
Founder
Mar 2, 2008
3,497
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58
Hong Kong, hiding from the Kommies!
See this? Little retarded comments like that are why nobody likes you. I started off having a fairly simple, if tangential, discussion about computers and you went on a personal attack.
I'm not here to be the Forums poster boy, since you already have taken that upon yourself.

You did not start this off simply at all. You stated that anybody and everybody who use Apple products including any inventions of PC gizmo's were, in your words ".... for pretentious snobs who have too much money and not enough common sense.", which is asinine in itself.

It's like saying, "Anybody and everybody who purchases a Louis Vuitton product are snobs or wanna be snobs (and of course there are a healthy population of both) are pretentious, when in fact, Louis Vuitton products will last a life time and set you back some.
Hell, it doesn't have to be LV. Could be Swiss pocket knives or any other name brand.

Apple has proved itself over and over, bringing industrialized designed PC's to the consumer, producing both software and hardware that have ignited the whole IT world.
At least Steve Jobs didn't have to quit a multi-billion dollar job because the feds in both the U.S. and Europe were after his ass.

These days, on most peoples lips with regards to mp3's and cell phones, it's Apple. Like it or not.
If you're going to start labeling people because of their taste in brand names, you best know people are NOT going to see it as "simple, tangible, discussion". Talk about name calling.
Yeah, I've got one of your fingers pointing at me, but you've got three fingers pointing back at you (Japanese expression).

Oh, btw, I'm running a bare bones box with Vista OS.