Reasons I'm Pretty Sure I'm Going To Hell

Kill_em_All

Family
Founder
Jul 29, 2008
324
0
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Nothing brutal, just a few things I've done that I'm pretty sure have reserved me a parking space in Hades.

1. Kicked the crutches out from under my friend Tim C. while he was trying to pick up on a chick at Bar St. Louis. My drunken rationale was that he'd get sympathy from the girl, however I had no idea that this girl's sense of humor was on par with mine and she cracked up when Tim fell.

I ended up fucking the girl in question. Cockblocking FTW.

2. I was in an elevator once with two other people when I farted. It was a wicked nasty fart, too. The kind of fart that could be utilized by anyone in the welding industry. So everyone in the elevator looks at each other. I point the girl standing next to me. At the next floor, the third person got off and it was just me and the girl I blamed the fart on. She turns to me and says "I have Crohn's Disease. I couldn't fart if I wanted to."

3. When I was arrested for DWI on Christmas night of 2005, the woman cop whom arrested me informed me that "anything I say can be held against me". After thinking for a second, I said "your tits".

4. Found partially nude pictures of my friend Erin (female) posing in front of a tree in the patio section of a bar we all frequent on her friend's myspace page. Printed pics and got them laminated. Glued them to the tree at the bar with liquid nail along with a sign that said "This tree gets more ass than you".

5. A few years back, I was behind a car at a stoplight when I noticed it had a bumper sticker that simply had the words "goat roper" in black letters. Realizing I had a Sharpie in my console, I grabbed it, ran up to the car and changed the "O" in "roper" to an "A". Some asshole is now driving around with a bumper sticker that says "goat raper".

6. Flicked a booger into my first wife's mouth and yelled "Goaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!!!"

7. Stopped an Asian guy on the street and asked, "Dong! Where is my automobile?" (they don't find it as humorous as I do)

8. Wrecked a friend's car and left the scene then told him that someone stole it. He ended up with a warrant for leaving the scene of an accident.

9. Kicked a drunk chick out of a moving vehicle, in the middle of the ghetto, at 3 am, in November, during a rainstorm, with no coat, money, or cell phone just to avoid driving her home.

And the worst thing I think I've ever done.....

10. Stole money from one girlfriend to pay for my other girlfriend's abortion pill.
 

Mamba

Uranium
Founder
May 22, 2008
2,288
1
66
Quite funny - however 8,9 & 10 are worst. You = major asshole.
 

mcq56

Noob
Sep 30, 2009
2
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the honorable mod kea does the same practice he said he hated and scarlet impersonates shadowy ,, same people same talk and my balls are still itchy
 

Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
Founder
Mar 10, 2008
5,012
25
178
Fayettenam Area, NC
the honorable mod kea does the same practice he said he hated and scarlet impersonates shadowy ,, same people same talk and my balls are still itchy

This forum has been slow lately but I am not willing to entertain the cross forum drama for very long.

If you came here simply to start crap with someone I urge you to either change that approach or to go away.
 

urateup

Noob a little less
Sep 28, 2009
26
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Missouri
Your not going to hell. Your going to wind up being a lonely crotchity old bastard with no one in your life. I actually feel sorry for you....ok the sorry feeling is over now back to real life now.
 

Mamba

Uranium
Founder
May 22, 2008
2,288
1
66
^ Your avatar is streched all weird. This has been a public service announcement.