Star Wars: Episode 9 - The Rise Of Skywalker

Chapped Ass

Not all drugs are bad.
Founder
Oct 23, 2013
274
71
28
44
Sheesh, where do I even begin? And what's the use? Everytime I write a line about this sequel trilogy, I quickly erase it because it doesn't start off my rant appropriately or fully enough. There's just no way to use words to describe how dismal my hope is for the future of the franchise. Each new step the story has taken so far has driven a fresh new spike through my heart.

Disappointed? Perhaps that's the word I'm looking for. But it doesn't seem sufficient. I felt disappointment at Han dying the way he did. But then it got worse. It got worse in only the way that it could get worse if getting worse was itself the intended goal all along. I feel like The Last Jedi was written by someone who hates me personally, and simultaneously doesn't know shit about Star Wars or science fiction in general. It's like the opposite of fan-fiction. It's hate-fiction.

So this piece of shit bit of hate-fiction written by some bitter non-Star Wars fan was not only made cannon, but they cut off and discarded ACTUAL cannon to do it. And not just a portion of it...ALL of the good shit! Fucking ALL of it!! Bravo, this is a fucking masterpiece of fan-fucking the like of which I've never seen. I mean seriously....this was a surgical bomb strike at the fans like me.

You can still be a Star Trek fan because they didn't take Kirk and make him a fear-driven pussy that turns traitor on his friends to save his own skin. They didn't take Picard and make him an ignorant peasant willing to have his entire ethos changed by a random snake oil salesman with a bad argument. They didn't take Data and turn him into a human-killing Terminator because that was the natural result of him being treated like a human.

But here I am being asked to remain a fan after I see Luke act like a pessimistic, brooding, bitter loser in seclusion because he encountered a failure.

He lost his fucking hand trying to fight Vader the first time! It's not like he's never encountered failure before. What makes Luke Luke is that he's the guy who gets up afterwards. He doesn't drop out for 20 years and get pissed when asked to return and make things right! Fuck these movies. Fuck Luke, fuck Yoda, fuck Leia, fuck Han, fuck Chewie, and fuck the ewoks while I'm at it.

I'm surprised there wasn't a brief scene in the Last Jedi where Snoke wipes out Endor. Perhaps the hate-fiction writers forgot how much we loved Wiket the Ewok. Maybe they'll correct that oversight in episode 9 though....still a whole other movie to go through before they're done fucking me in the ass to death.

That being said, I like the new characters and I hope everything works out for them.
 
Last edited:

FreshMuffins

Baked daily
Oct 5, 2017
39
13
8
I completely agree.

The Luke thing baffled me. The Han Solo death baffled me. Everything baffled me in regards to the original characters and how Disney has treated their legacy for the story line.

That said, I wouldn't be opposed to a Chewie spin-off movie.