Story Time!

Violet

Yaa!
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Feb 28, 2014
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The theme for this story time thread is 'So, there I was...'

I won't bog it down by inserting any rules. I'm just curious what kind of tales you all have to tell.

Plus, Chappy and I are bored.
 

Violet

Yaa!
Founder
Feb 28, 2014
765
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So, there I was at my parents' house when my friend Jessie asked me to accompany her to the bathroom to keep her company whilst she peed. (It was pretty common for her to do so; that really isn't the point of my tale.)

Once we were in the bathroom, she perched herself on the toilet and started chatting away about whatever was on her mind at the moment, but stopped mid-sentence to gleefully announce that my parents had a can of air freshener in their bathroom. I arched an eyebrow at her to show my confusion, but she was too busy whipping the hand towel from its rack to notice.

Without any hesitation, she folded the towel and placed it over the spray nozzle on the can of 'Sunflower' scented Glade, stuck the nozzle (towel and all) into her mouth and pressed on the top of the can, ejecting the freshener into her mouth. The towel, she had explained, was to catch the moisture and allow to to properly huff the Glade.

As she held the freshener in her lungs, she managed to wheeze out, "My butt hole's burning!" Of course, it was difficult to detect her emotion as she was trying to hold her breath, but I didn't sense any disappointment from her.

My guess is that a side-effect of using canned air freshener to catch a buzz is that it makes your butt hole burn, but it is unknown whether or not that is a bad thing.

The End

(Mister Bear specifically requested that this tale was included in this thread.)
 
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Polar Bear

ppbbtt! -excuse me.
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Mar 5, 2008
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So there I was in 2007 during the holiday season. I was shuffling off a plane at Bloomington/Normal regional airport, because I wanted to spend the holidays with teh V-ster. So as I'm coming down, I see Violet, almost exploding with happy energy, on the other side of a large glass barrier.

When I finally managed to get myself on the other side of the barrier, Violet came running at me and threw herself into my arms, kissing me deeply. When this happened though, the entire crowd, within a 40' radius (including a those still on the steps behind me) exploded into thunderous applause and cheering for us.

Now, I must admit that she made quite a cute scene bouncing excitedly with a huge grin while I was on my way down, but the response we got from everyone was like something out of a movie. It was very John Hughesian.
 
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InterStella

Shit Mum.... Yay!
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Mar 11, 2008
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Rule Britannia!
This thread is totally unfair. You three first posters all had sex with each other already.

Kind of.

And the first two posters totally premeditated the thread and had really good "So there I was...." stuff all ready spell-checked and tweaked and amended and shit like that on Word documents ready to c/p.

Really unfair.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
So there I was, balls deep in this chicks ass....the next thing you know, the bank teller says "NEXT!"
 

Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
Founder
Mar 10, 2008
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Fayettenam Area, NC
So there I was ...

1988, 19 years old ... The guys convinced me to go out for my first bachelor's party.

We went to the Red light District in Frankfurt Germany.


The whore house they chose was a six floor deal filled with tits and ass, in this particular establishment the chicks got uglier and weirder as we ascended each floor of the whore house.

We, or more accurately they, agreed that a whore would not be selected until we made our way up all six floors and checked out each one. If a whore was not currently servicing a customer she would leave her room door open and you were expected to peek in and visually inspect her to see if she met your needs for the event in question.

As we approached the sixth floor and started down its hallway I suddenly realized that I was being guided to a particular room and before I could argue to the contrary they pushed me inside a room at the end of the hall and quickly closed the door. It appears that they had this planned ... the bastards.

When I entered the room I was met by a 6' 7" Namibian princess with an Afro that was easily 3 meters in diameter. She was dressed as, no bullshit, Abraham Lincoln minus the stove pipe hat.

Now, one might naturally assume that a young fella would be taken off guard by such a sight ... I mean how many nearly 7 foot tall African chicks dressed as old Abe have you ever seen? For me, counting that one .. one.

But I had no time to question the political statement of a Namibian whore and her choice of whoring garb because my eyes and horror were focused on the 3 foot long, 4" diameter fully articulating dildo that was laying on her bed .. this thing was making sounds like it was powered by a v8 big block and it undulated like a snail in a salt bath.

Well I was having none of Ms. Lincoln and her freakish sex toy, I run for the door as she starts reciting what I, still to this day, believe was the Gettysburg address !!

The guys are laughing .. I punch the first one in the left ear and slip in a puddle of previously unseen goo on the floor and this breaks up my attack mode and any further punches are interrupted by a screaming Namibian.

Being on the sixth floor of a whore house with 5 drunk fuckers, trying to run down a narrow flight of stairs is a funny sight in its own right but one that will be interrupted when we hit the bottom floor ...

Ms. Lincoln has signaled to her pimp that we were fighting, or trying to murder her or whatever ... it must have been a convincing story because Mr. Pimp was swinging a golf club and speaking some weird ass accented German that none of us had a clue what he meant.

Mr. Pimp walks over to his office right as we open the front door to exit ...all of us stop in our tracks because the pimp has just let out what can only be described as Cujo on steroids.... massive and slobbering.

Well, nothing cures a groups internal strife like impending death by dog. We all run like hell straight to the train station ... ok, five of us run because number six has now been bitten right in the ass by cujo.


And there you have it six folks running, or to be precise five running and one limping and holding a bleeding ass.


I learned :

Friends are a liability and from that day till now I have NEVER gone out with the "guys" again.

You don't have to be faster than the dog .. only faster than the last ass in the group.

Namibian whores love Lincoln !
 
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Violet

Yaa!
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Feb 28, 2014
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Namibian whores love Lincoln !
I totally would have guessed that.




So, there I was at this keg party my friends and I were throwing. My friend Jessie (who enjoyed the occasional inhalant high) had scored the lot of us under-agers a keg for the night, and my roommate Ginger thought it might be fun to include her younger sister in on the activities. Marcy was only 15, and this was her first real experience getting drunk.

As I recall, it was Jessie who first directed my attention to our youngest drunken guest just as she'd grabbed a plastic cup of frothy brew...with a cigarette butt floating in it.

"Oh, shit. Should we tell her?" she muttered as I grabbed Jessie's sister Beth by the arm. I didn't have a chance to respond before Beth grabbed Ginger and dragged her over. We had a brief moment to debate the effects of telling her, but soon the four of us watched in horror (yet I still think back to how we all probably had time to save her) as she raised the plastic cup to her lips and slammed the whole fucking cup.

Yeah, we watched in disgust as Marcy drank the cigarette butt. It was pretty foul.

Afterwards, we decided telling her would only induce puking, so we guiltily kept our mouths shut. We did try to babysit Marcy for the rest of the night.

The next day, the lot of us climbed into Ginger's car. As I rode shotgun to take Marcy home, she began to violently vomit into the floor of the back seat.

"Holy shit," she said in a shaky voice. "Is that a cigarette butt?"

Indeed it was. There, in the floor mat of Ginger's car was the cigarette butt Marcy had consumed the night before, perfectly intact.

"Gross," replied Ginger. "You're cleaning that shit up."
 
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Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
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Mar 10, 2008
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Fayettenam Area, NC
So there I was ...


I was about 8 or 9 years old. A barefoot all summer long, dirty face and grimy clothes type of kid.

The Mother figure had just washed some clothes and placed them out on the line to dry. I was doing my normal run around like a retard stuff.

Unbeknown to me the Mother figure had strung up a new clothes 'line'. I say line, but what it really was is a 20 foot long piece of wire hung between two poles. And to make matters worse the fucking thing was hung about 5 feet of the ground .. at eye level to a kid my size.

So, I hear the usual "Gary, get your ass in the house its getting too dark". I dunno what the hell it was with old fuckers and the dark of the woods but apparently werewolves or some similar ghastly beast was always waiting on the edge of twilight to devour kids that did not take their ass inside before it 'got too dark'.

Anyway, in an effort to avoid another beating I started running for the door, running seemingly so fast that no werewolf, even one on roller skates, could possibly catch me.

Well regardless of the wolves and roller skates I met up with the new clothes line. I hit it so hard and straight on that it sliced open both of my eyelids, yep.. open so that through the blood and closed eyes I could still see the fleeting daylight.

A 9 year old that can see through closed eyes and has a vision tinted with red is not the calmest person in the world, on top of that a screaming mother figure that thinks turpentine will seal eyeball wounds adds to the overall hysteria.

I had blood and flapping eyelids AND the horrific blinding sting of turpentine to contend with all at once. On top of that, the fuckers never took me to a doctor.


Poor little Gary ... and some folks wonder why/how he grew to be such a caring, lovable type of dude.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
So there I was, in the proctologists office, when I suddenly realized he had both hands on my shoulders.