Uncultured Mouthbreathers

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
3,846
26
68
32
Seattle
Fucking close your god damned mouth. This is so rabidly rage-inducing. Even if/when the mouth being closed is bothered with... why the FUCK do you have to make the moist and wet smacking sound so fucking loud that it echos outside your god damned head? For real?

I am perfectly capable of chewing without doing this. What is so pathetically inept about the rest of humanity that this isn't a possibility? Can you not hear yourselves?

Want chips? Get a motherfucking bowl. No one on this fucking earth wants to hear you weasel your disgusting hand into the bag slowly (since you're busy staring at facebook) while your tendrilly fingers desperately search for a graspable chip edge to pinch between your fore and middle fingers. Cue loud crunching and smacking.

I hate people. I hate all of you.

 
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Titty

Proud White Boy
Founder
Mar 2, 2008
1,244
40
78
46
Where the sun doesn't shine
The worst is when they call you one the phone whilst stuffing their fucking pie-hole.

Hello?
Hughrooow?
*deep inhale and exhale through nostrils*
*lips smack against the phone like a donkey eating a popsicle*
HELLO?!?
mmmggggbbbpppt....Hode on....a min...
*click*

It's a small miracle I've never maimed or killed anyone.
 

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
3,846
26
68
32
Seattle
The worst is when they call you one the phone whilst stuffing their fucking pie-hole.

Hello?
Hughrooow?
*deep inhale and exhale through nostrils*
*lips smack against the phone like a donkey eating a popsicle*
HELLO?!?
mmmggggbbbpppt....Hode on....a min...
*click*

It's a small miracle I've never maimed or killed anyone.

Indeed. Yep. Miracles do happen.
 

proper stranger

Yaa!
Founder
Apr 23, 2011
664
4
18
Can anyone really chew, swallow, or eat at all, without making any sounds what so ever? Not just the smacking sounds and such. Not just the eating with an open mouth. No sound at all. I don't think it is possible.

Citizen...that pic you posted is gross as all hell. Thanks!
 

Super-Admin

El Shaddai
Staff member
ADMIN
Dec 25, 2001
104
13
18
Can anyone really chew, swallow, or eat at all, without making any sounds what so ever? Not just the smacking sounds and such. Not just the eating with an open mouth. No sound at all. I don't think it is possible.

Citizen...that pic you posted is gross as all hell. Thanks!
Nope, not possible.

Wear a set of ear plugs next time you eat if you wanna hear your own mastication.


Enjoy!
 

proper stranger

Yaa!
Founder
Apr 23, 2011
664
4
18
Once there was a young boy.
He was brought up in a household where the penalty for kids making any eating noises at the table was a steel toed boot slammed into his shin.
Of course, the offending adults were immune to such actions, and could make all the noises they wanted.
The man with the boots made all sorts of noises. He was an open-mouthed chewer, and probably border line retarded as well.
The boys trick was to time his chewing and swallowing while the boot bringers noises covered up his.
Of course, sometimes the boot would come into play just in case the boy had made any noises that the man had missed.
It seemed the boy was trapped, and found himself victim of numerous acts of abuse.
Now every story has an end, and this story has a happy one.
It doesn't take long for even a youngster to realize that a fork to the neck would hurt the man much more than a boot to the shin would hurt him.
Violence begets violence. And one day a fork ended up hanging out of the man's neck. Blood flew everywhere, on the potatoes, on the meat, on the bread, on the floor, wall and window. Just everywhere.
The man flew from the table, as if he had wings, and was never heard from again.
That's when the boy realized that the bully was, in reality, a coward, and that he had been the man of the house all along.
The morale to this story is of course...a boot to the shin can really end up being a pain in the neck.