Vent: Maternity Pants

Klautermauffen

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Mar 11, 2008
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Okay, what the FUCK is up with these things?? If I could, I'd just wear regular jeans throughout my pregnancy, but that just isn't making sense from the monetary aspect. Yes, Prick, I just said I can't afford it.

Anyways, this means that I have to break down and buy these fucked up pieces of shit. I don't understand why they don't just take a regular pair of stretch jeans and make the top even stretchier by replacing the denim with a cotton-covered piece of elastic.

But no... they make these things crawl half way up your back and belly... which is the most uncomfortable feeling ever - especially when you feel fat anyways. Even the "no belly" (supposedly won't come up over your belly) style have a crotch length of two miles. The "optional" belly panel style that is really stretchy and can be folded down eats into your sides and STILL doesn't allow you to fold it down far enough because the crotch is, again, two miles long.

Do pregnant women really prefer this shit, or what? Who designs this crap? If you do, or have, I hate you.

Why on earth would I want my jeans to be sitting on my back and have enough extra space in the ass and legs to fit another set of my lower parts? Also, how does it make any sense to put stretchy stuff or scratchy DENIM up on an irritated, growing, belly?

It would seem that the first line of logic, when designing these things, would be to make everything come below the belly and sit right where normal low-rise jeans do on the back. And then, if some 80's-wearing retard wanted "full coverage", you could then design something frumpy for them...

And, on that note, what's up with all the extra freaking space and horrible ass designs anyhow?? Yes, my belly is a little large, but my ass is not ten miles wide and my legs are NOT oak-trunks. Nor does my ass need to be made to look flat or wider than it already is by some lame design.

In short, mat. pants designers... here's where you suck:


  • rise
  • design
  • fit
  • Oh yes, and length too. What, you can't offer anything but a 30" inseam that will shrink to 28"-29" ??
Pretty much, every aspect of your pants are lame, except for the fact that they are stretchy.


 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
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Mar 11, 2008
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LOL most random rant EVER!

Aww c'mon you're a crafty gal, why not get some jeans you like and fix the top part?

I know that thats totally missing the point but in the meantime, while we are waiting on them to invent better prego pants, you should totally try it.

Then, after you've perfected the art of comfy pants making you can sell the idea for miiiiilllllions!

But yeah the reason why things like these don't get invented is because most people are bitchers, not doers.
 

4nik8

Herban Legend
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Mar 5, 2008
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^^^That's what I was going to say.

You're in the perfect crotchety mood to know exactly what is wrong with them and how to fix them.

Why not tinker with them and when ya got 'em right....market them.

Crazier ideas than comfy fitting maternity clothes have made people plenty of dough.
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
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Pregnant women are cute either way. Even with the maternity pants.
Yeah, i had a feeling you where into preggers.

Just mind you don't go in too deep and poke the baby....wait...who am I kidding, nevermind, you're good. :yociexp27:
 

Incognito

Family
Mar 11, 2008
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Yeah, i had a feeling you where into preggers.

Just mind you don't go in too deep and poke the baby....wait...who am I kidding, nevermind, you're good. :yociexp27:
Aww you're so mean to me. I don't have some kind of prego fetish... and I happen to be quite well off when it comes to cock size. Any woman that I give my shlong to becomes physically and mentally addicted to it... and thats real.
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
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Aww you're so mean to me. I don't have some kind of prego fetish... and I happen to be quite well off when it comes to cock size. Any woman that I give my shlong to becomes physically and mentally addicted to it... and thats real.
Alright, you done gone and twisted my arm, i GUESS you can show me your junk if you really want to that bad.
 

Incognito

Family
Mar 11, 2008
311
0
16
Florida
Alright, you done gone and twisted my arm, i GUESS you can show me your junk if you really want to that bad.
Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.
 

Absinthe

Moderator
Staff member
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Mar 2, 2008
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Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.

I dunno... but I wouldn't go for the neck...
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
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Seattle, WA
Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.
Ahh i see.

Well if you hadn't be attacking me with your powerful sexual advances of manly sexiness i would have never even dreamed of asking! :khi3n:
 

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
3,846
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LOL most random rant EVER!

Aww c'mon you're a crafty gal, why not get some jeans you like and fix the top part?
Yep, random. And, I *am* trying to rig up my pants already, but there is just something difficult about sewing and having a toddler crawl all over you...

You're in the perfect crotchety mood to know exactly what is wrong with them and how to fix them.

Why not tinker with them and when ya got 'em right....market them.

Crazier ideas than comfy fitting maternity clothes have made people plenty of dough.
See above.

I went to Lane Bryant and found clothes that fit . Hit the fat stores.....
Or do the sweatsuit outfits.... your choice.
No. I am not fat everywhere. My belly sticks out, but, as I stated before.... I do NOT have tree trunk legs or a ten mile wide ass. I am a normal size, but with a pooch that needs to be accommodated by stretch.

This would have been better as a Blog.
Yay, buddha! :10_003:

I decided to post this here, because...

1) It's a new forum and diversity is good.
2) This is the right brained area, with "random" in its description
3) I thought MAYBE someone might have advice other than "this should be a blog" or "make your own"

*goes off to read Buddha's blog*

*gets sidetracked by spongebob on the way and says 'fuck it' *
_________

I love multiquote :yociexp77:
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
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Seattle, WA
*sigh* How many times will I have to explain the female anatomy before you understand that babies don't grow in there?
A fetus lives in the middle of the upside down pear ^

I second the girlish "ewww", vaginas are gross.

And, here ya go ya big whiner, i just got off thephone with my sister and she said for you to go here. http://www.bellydancematernity.com/bottoms-c-2-view-all.html

And that they have some pretty "cute shit". I'm not sure about how comfy you would be with ordering pants online but its worth a shot.