We have a house!

Violet

Yaa!
Founder
Feb 28, 2014
765
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It's not a huge house, but it's OURS.

We closed on this place a week ago Friday, and the drama started before we ever got to the bank.

Upon inspecting the house the night before, we found that one of the owner's sons had left behind his pickup truck, and the house and garage still had several pieces of furniture left behind, along with some barrels and boxes that appeared to be hastily packed. The realtor told us that arrangements were being made. Heh.

Our closing time and place had to be rescheduled because the chick we were buying from couldn't score a ride from her family or some such poop. When we got to the bank, the old lady and one of her sons (of the large overall-clad variety) were the first two to show up. The guy warned us that he wasn't sure there would be a closing, and he didn't appear to be very pleased. As it turns out, his mama wasn't going to make a dime off the sale, but thanks to smooth-talkers like the lawyer and realtor, we managed to buy the house. We tried to be nice about the crap being left over, swapped phone numbers so they could pick a couple of things up, and allowed them a couple of days to move the truck.

That night we celebrated by cleaning and cleaning and ..ugh.. cleaning. I know we opted for "as-is" but for fuck's sake, I've seen cleaner toilets in rest stops.

Oh, and as it turns out, some of those hastily packed barrels contained food. Not canned food, mind you. There was a fucking baggie with raw meat in one. Yeah. Sweet Jesus.

And the truck? Closer inspection turned up two flat tires and a broken rear axle. That fucking douche had no intention of coming back for it.

We saved a few bucks by purchasing as-is, but I'm not so sure I'd ever do it again. After a week and a half of busting some ass, we're finally settling in and healing up. Mr. Bear still has bruises on his ribs from when the refrigerator fell on him, and my big toe is missing quite a bit of toenail, but I've been through worse moves.

And having all that junk in the garage isn't so bad. Yesterday PB found a framed stoner poster and I've scored a spiffy picinic basket. Perhaps we'll unearth some treasures (or more bags of raw meat...)


No pics yet. Perhaps when we don't resemble a couple of people exiting a mosh pit!





:khi9j: <-- re-enactment of me doing the "new house dance"
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
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Seattle, WA
Hehe That sounds awesome!
Just think of it this way, if you hadn't opted for a as is house you wouldn't have had nearly as much of an adventure!

Btw...you must explain your injuries.
Were you guys moving the fridge when suddenly it squishes your big toe and that made you spaz out in pain and drop the fridge on "mister bear"? (hehe i love that name)

You can't just tell us about awesome injuries with no back story!
 

Unhappy Camper

Hells yeah
Founder
Mar 10, 2008
5,012
25
178
Fayettenam Area, NC
Congrats.

By the way .. the ONLY thing a home alarm system is good for is for lowering your insurance payments ...

Just saying ... if you want safety and piece of mind get matching handguns, train to use them, train your kids to use them, and practice often.

Any whoo .. congrats !
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
Nice! Can't wait to see pics. And I agree with Blood, the injuries must be explained, as well as more "leftover junk" stories.

On the plus side, and if you wanna be vindictive, seein as he left his truck there I'm sure you can have it towed at his expense, or perhaps even take it to a scrap yard and make $100 off it.
 

Polar Bear

ppbbtt! -excuse me.
Founder
Mar 5, 2008
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So yeah, I had a fridge land on me. I was trying to get the bastard up the steps with the dollie I paid 12 bucks to rent. It was miserable and rainy that day, so the hard-wood floors were dotted with soggy footprints. (which Violet was awesome enough to clean up afterwards) I hit a particularly wet spot and went boom with the fridge following quickly after.

I'm groovy though.

Here's me in my underwear holding the stoner poster.

 

TopGrey

Family
Founder
Jul 30, 2008
269
2
18
47
NC mountains
Congrats on the buy! Best part of owning is you get to do whatever you want (assuming not HOA is involved). I was never much of a carpenter/hvac tech/tiler/plumber until we bought ours. It's awesome doing those things now. Good luck on your place!
 

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
3,846
26
68
32
Seattle
So yeah, I had a fridge land on me. I was trying to get the bastard up the steps with the dollie I paid 12 bucks to rent. It was miserable and rainy that day, so the hard-wood floors were dotted with soggy footprints. (which Violet was awesome enough to clean up afterwards) I hit a particularly wet spot and went boom with the fridge following quickly after.
!!! That's terrible. Glad you're okay though! I had visions of the same thing happening to my hub the three times he moved dryers and wash machines up and down our staircase of doom.

polar bear said:
Wow. You've trimmed down. Congrats! umm... and kinda creepy question, but I'm dead serious.. where'd you get your boxers? The hub has these decrepit old things that he used to share with his dad... back in the day... and yeah - anyways. Where'd you get yours?
 

Blood

Crimson Kunoichi
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
985
2
66
34
Seattle, WA
You guys are way to nice...why is no one commenting on PB's Bob Ross hair?? :biggrin:


Fuckin AWESOME fro chapster!! I envy you.

Seriously.
 

Violet

Yaa!
Founder
Feb 28, 2014
765
9
18
Thanks to everyone!

Blood: My toe story isn't nearly as interesting as his fridge story. I just have an unlucky toe. =( It was stomped on, stubbed and had furniture dropped on it all throughout the day. Just the one toe, too. Every few hours I'd tear another chunk of toenail off.

However, Chappy Bear failed to express the drama of the fridge dropping on him. I screamed like a little girl. His foot went out from under him, and left him laying on his back in the doorway with the dollie and refrigerator on top of him. I was sure his body was broken, but he jumped up and said, "I'm okay!" It was kinda neat.

(I dig the fro, too! I think he's finally embracing the frodom.)

Cranium: Yeah, home security isn't really necessary here. It's a little town, and we're about 20 steps away from the edge of it. But yeah, it never hurts to know how to handle a gun. Dad had me practicing on his little .22 by the time I was 11.

Jack: Absolutely.

Skeet: Chappy dumped a jar of grease in the back. It wasn't much, but it made him feel better.

On a side-note, we ended up giving them a total of 5 days after closing to move it. We called and warned them, but the guy couldn't be assed to show up, so it got towed. Last night, some guy showed up claiming it was actually HIS truck and he had loaned it to the guy. Seems we not only bought a house, we got their drama, too!

Kommie: No power tools, but we have a huge yard for him to frolic in!

TopGrey: Heh.. We've already found ourselves tinkering things. I'm sure you're right.

Josie: They're just your standard Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs, me thinks. Maybe Hanes? They even have them in little-guy size so the munchkin has some that looks just like them.




So, last night we got into the attic. Lots of clothing and board games and five boxes filled to the brim with TV Guides. We found some neat glasses, too. I'll try to snap a few pictures this afternoon!
 

Stickman

Dude!
May 18, 2008
67
0
6
36
Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Life moves on I see. Dude you need a haircut and a shave. You're rapidly catching up to the scabman. Good to see that everyone seems to be getting on well. I might run along now to another twelve month hiatus.
 

Mamba

Uranium
Founder
May 22, 2008
2,288
1
66
Dude! I'm so happy for you guys, that's fucking awesome news!

I want pics of house puhleaaaassssssssse!! Attic, basement, bedroom :yociexp45: GARDEN!!

And one of you guys at the front door like "this is our crib"

Yeah!

P.S I love the fro! Hahaha.
 

Gzus

\m/ >< ..l.
Founder
Jun 20, 2009
463
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40
booshz.
www.istheinternetfuckingawesome.com
That's one sad, lame fucking stoner pic if I ever saw one
Christ.
You have to be totally stoned to find that even remotely funny, or entertaining. Unless of course, you can giggle about how fucking lame it really is.
Anyway.
Congrats on the house. Im tempted to buy a spot of land here in Gorillaville.
Now even more so.
 

Polar Bear

ppbbtt! -excuse me.
Founder
Mar 5, 2008
1,009
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That's one sad, lame fucking stoner pic if I ever saw one
Christ.
You have to be totally stoned to find that even remotely funny, or entertaining. Unless of course, you can giggle about how fucking lame it really is.
Yeah, having reviewed the thread since my post, it does seem that there's an unusually fine point drawn towards that poster of all things discussed. Truth be told, I don't give a crap about the poster, I just wanted all of you to see me in my underwear.

......Mission accomplished.

Anyway.
Congrats on the house. Im tempted to buy a spot of land here in Gorillaville.
Now even more so.
Thanks a bunch.