What the fuck?

SittinGrumpy

Guest
I have no idea what is going on with me. I have absolutely NO motivation for ANYTHING. I have never been someone who puts things off to the last minute but lately I have been waiting to the very last second to do something.

Not just things that I really don't want to do but things I use to love to do... like mowing the grass. I use to drive an hour to my in-laws just to mow their grass because i LOVE IT... my grass hasn't been mowed in a month.

I get out of bed the very last minute to be at work...

I start a 20 page paper 2 days before it is due...

I just don't get it, I don't know what happened or how to get out of it. I have been dealing with depression for years and the doctor has always related it to my back injury and the way it limits me and the meds. This is just getting worse.

I mentioned to the hubby maybe I needed to see a counselor and he HATES HATES HATES that idea. So to keep the peace I just haven't

The only thing I can think of that has changed in my pain meds. I went from 2-6 vicotin a day to 2-4 percocets a day. That's been about four months ago.


I just needed to put it out there.
 

Mamba

Uranium
Founder
May 22, 2008
2,288
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How about you've been working yourself too hard and your body now says "I need a rest"?
 

Syenite

Flying squirrel vagina
Founder
Oct 23, 2013
582
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Redneckville, Canada.
I'm bad for getting like that sometimes. I get into a mood where I'm bored and restless all the time but I don't actually want to do anything.

I also do that with phoning people. For some reason, I will put it off till the very last second to call, and sometimes I won't even do that. Simply because I have a strange adversion to calling people.
 

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
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Seattle
Simply because I have a strange aversion to calling people.
<---- Yep!


Grumpy, I think it's stress + meds. Maybe you aren't looking for input, just a minute to vent about it, but yeah. Maybe it's the vicodin. I know when I take meds, it usually has the opposite effect on me that it does most people. I get all super energetic and spunky and ready to be up and AT 'EM when I take vicodin. Everyone else says it zonks them out or makes them sluggish. So.. maybe that increase is helping the pain but not your motivation?

In any case, good luck girlie :smiles:
 
May 25, 2009
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Embrace procrastination. When done properly, with years of experience, trial and error, you too will become a master.
 

SittinGrumpy

Guest
Maybe you aren't looking for input
input is good...

I am not sure its the meds, I mean I have been on pain meds since 2003, I think I would have had issues before now.

I am depressed and I have some pretty good ideas (and so do you) as to why... but for some reason I cant shake it this time. I am forcing myself do things despite how I feel but that is just not my style.


Embrace procrastination. When done properly, with years of experience, trial and error, you too will become a master.
I am also certain you could show me the way LOL
 

Klautermauffen

F-f-f-f-f-f-f-founderrr
Founder
Mar 11, 2008
3,846
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Seattle
I have some pretty good ideas (and so do you) as to why.
Ugh.. I'm sorry =(
Stress it is then. I know where you're coming from. It all wears on you for so long that one day.. ya just kind of break.
You know what's *really* interesting....

okay, yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and put all this out there in the open in case it might help someone else too. (beginning of Josie feeling waaaay too much out there):

So, I was seeing this psychologist in CT who was actually pretty fantastic. Most psychologists/psychiatrists pissssss me off to no end and I usually end up just sitting in a chair, glaring profusely at some asshole running their god damn stupid ass mouth. *ahem* anyways..

She was pretty good and told me she was impressed by my ability to teach myself healthy coping methods... and that I'd already done pretty much all the work that needed to be done on the issues from my childhood. The only things we really talked about were how to manage the hub's anger and control bullshit.

In an effort to bring things back around to being about me, she brought in a story that talked about how abuse "hides" in different parts of your body. It turns into pain in your knees, headaches, migraines, pain in your back, lethargy, depression... whatever 'phantom' issue the 'survivor' has.

Me: Pff, yeah whatever. This shit's real.
Her: Yes, and that's the problem. Hiding abuse and putting up with it for years *does* turn your body into the catch all for the pain someone else is causing you.
Me: Mhmm, yeah. I bet that sounds great on paper...
Her: Well, you don't have to agree with me. Just think about it a little bit. Maybe some years down the road when you're free of this kind of stuff in your life, you'll see what I mean.


Yeah, I totally wrote her opinion off as loony talk. Well..... Deciding to divorce the hub has done WONDERS for my health. I'm not even kidding. Not feeling tied to his bullshit or under his control anymore has been great.

I still get tired. I still get random knee pain. I still get random swelling in my legs. I still get migraines... and whatever else...

But these events are fewer and further between and are also easier to work through.

Letting go of what you've always known and ultimately relied on is not easy. I know. I don't say this and not fully appreciate the depths to which this reaches. But .. if you have any intentions of releasing yourself from this torment... you have to take care of you. Just you. Healing a lifetime of pain doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible.

.. and now! I want to make a snarky comment. Of course he doesn't want you to see a therapist! That would mean he isn't in control of your fuckin mouth and what you might say. Oh noooooes, she might spill a couple beans and someone might get wind of the reality at home. Quick, HATE HATE HATE her back into submission !

yep. okay. done now.
 

Negativecool

Gold Member
Founder
May 30, 2008
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Internet
Maybe you should take a few more minutes to actually wipe your butt when you're done diarrheaing all over the place.

Yea...a little butthole freshness would do well to improve your shitty mood.
 

SlimSkeeter

Guest
Quick, HATE HATE HATE her back into submission !
I seem to remember someone else trying that with a friend of mine.

The urge to murder still hasn't gone away from that particular tactic....
 

SittinGrumpy

Guest
So, today I kinda figured out I am in a downward spiral.... fast so I have decided to find someone to talk to.

Not because of the fucked up things in my marriage or that I am over worked and hate my job, boss and coworkers with a passion but because I cant deal with the Robin stuff. I have been in bad shape since the bitch who killed Robin was released from prison. It really came to a head for me today at just how fucked up I am over this.

To Slim and Josie... that's probably an understatement lol or a day late kinda thing. There are so many things I do not feel like I have the liberty to say in an open forum about this but I am back to having nightmares about what they did to her. She would have been 31 in eighteen days, instead she is in an unmarked grave...

So yeah... I think I know what it is and other then counseling about it I am not sure what to do.
 

SittinGrumpy

Guest
So the time is set, I get Robin's memorial tattoo on her 31st birthday at Noon. My best friend Charles have drawn parts of it for me. He will be there taking pictures of the whole thing.
 

Grim_Legion

Family
Founder
Aug 31, 2009
295
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Durban, South Africa
my best mate died two years ago 15 august, we were hiking up saani pass, one of the highest in South Africa, 2700 meters, he had a hart-attack, we tried resus for two hours till our super fast rescue service got there but he was gone, so this year before 15th august will have a tat, haven't quite got the design yet, but the words are there, his favorite saying "and so it is"