You're having a/an

KommieKat

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affair, fling, fuck on the side, what ever you want to call it.

Why?

In this thread, we shall pretend you or them are having a fling whether you or them are married or single. Now, I don't care about your real life out there so don't tell, but just imagine for the sake of it, you or them are breaking commandment #7.
Let's pretend that they love their partner, but they still had or are having a fling. I will use the word "fling" because it seems a bit softer than "adultery" though there may be not much difference in the definitions.

Why? What has led people to do this? What are their reasons for doing so?
How do you think they feel about it after the fact?

I know there are as many opinions for as many members that are on this forum, so state your reasons.


Here's is mine:
Boredom. Humans are not meant to be monogamous. Animals are not monogamous. Maybe insects, maybe plants are. But people are bored.
I don't mean that you have fallen out of love with your spouse/mate.
Just some form of boredom. Maybe the sexual life is a bit boring?
I don't know.

I think people want to feel others. They want to feel different skin texture, different smell of perfume/cologne, shampoo.
Different shape of breast or cock (depending on your taste).
Different voice, spasms, expressions.

Selfishness. As you get older, you want to get as much in as you can, while you can.

Maybe they do it for the excitement of it but that goes back to my first reason.

So, what do you think.
 

funeeman

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Re: You're having a/an........

Its selfishness and ego and a lack of self discipline. Everyone wants to feel desirable and sexy and good about themselves. Once you are committed to someone they've pretty much stated that "you are all of that to me." But that in itself isn't good enough because after a while we want that reaffirmed by someone different. Plus there is a chemical high that the body creates when there is a new attraction and we like that sensation. We get addicted to it. Usually affairs happen in one person feels like "somethings missing". It could be any number of things but that chemical high tends to feel that void very quickly so we assume it has to do with something sexual that we are missing. When in reality it could be something else completely different.
 

Scarlet

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Re: You're having a/an........

Although the reasons for having a fling are countless, it usually occurs when one spouse is attempting to replace emotional feelings they have lost. In most cases, contrary to belief, a fling is more of an emotional fulfilment than a physical need. Everyone wants to be needed, cared about and made to feel special. When those feelings cease at home, some spouses will look elsewhere to replace them.
So what really happens to a family when a fling occurs? A fling is an absolute violation of every marriage and moral concept we have. It totally devastates an innocent spouse and often leaves permanent scars with no chance for trust to ever exist again.
As both funneeman and buddhaboy state...it's pure selfishness... usually with attempts to justify it as something else..
 

Shade

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Re: You're having a/an........

I think if a relastionship is missing something, you should try to bring it back. If its been missing for a long time, it's not coming back. The best you can hope for is to bring it back for a month or two and it will go away. Thats usually cause they just arn't compatable. Though i think if your with someone, and fall for someone else or what not, i think its basic human respect at the very least to break up with them before having sex. Because lets face it, if its not a fling, and there really is something there, then both party's of the fling can wait.

When i was cheated on that was the excuse. I found someone else that i liked. That i dont think is a good excuse for cheating. I think its a legit reason for ending a relastionship, but staying in a relastionship and cheating, it's kinda like one asshole gets to have the best of both worlds and makes two others feel like shit. Its the ulatimate gayness
 

Amythist

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Re: You're having a/an........

If you feel the need to cheat , Then what was once there has faded.There is no way to justify cheating in my book. It is as simple as breaking up with the person. If your gonna have the balls to think about or attempt to cheat... Have the balls to face the person your gonna do it to. I think it takes a bigger person to be truthful.If you are happy and really love the person your with , I think you would work through it before you attempted something of this nature. Two people have to compromise and see each others wants and needs or it will never work....Fuck cheating and cheaters...I have known many....I have to say they are weak cowards...
 

4nik8

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Re: You're having a/an........

I think it just goes to the heart of the person involved.
Selfish. Disrespectful. Non compassionate.

If a person is in a relationship and actually cares about the person they are with, no amount of stimuli from an outside source will make them stray.
Catch their eye or pique their interests maybe but not enough to go so far as to totally betray the other person that way.
It happens a lot, I know. Lots of people get hurt all the time over something like this. I just think that maybe what they actually feel for their partner is lust and not the love that would make them consider the consequences.
If the deep respect and nurture were there that accompanies love for someone, it wouldn't even be an option.
 

Polar Bear

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Re: You're having a/an........

My girl would never cheat on me. Because I use Sex Pantherâ„¢.


 

KommieKat

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Re: You're having a/an........

Everybody has some interesting opinions, except Polar with his loop-sided. humour.:45:

Funnee made some good points. "Something" missing is plausible in most cases I feel, whether it be emotional or physical.

Pink made an interesting point about "replacing emotional feelings".

It looks like most folks are hitting on "something emotional missing".

What about physical? What if I love my partner, but she has small breast, so I pay whore who has bigger ones and get my thrill and feel for an hour?

What if the compassion is there in the relationship, but you're just a horny person and want more more more?
 

Amythist

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Re: You're having a/an........

When you love someone their flaws become their perfections. You can run across the most beautiful guy or girl and think they are the ugliest person from their attitude or behavior. No one is perfect. Now don't get me wrong it takes some physical attraction to start with but a person becomes more beautiful as you get to know them and fall for their personality. Anything short of this is just shallow..and there is just no real emotion to begin with.
 

Violet

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Re: You're having a/an........

What if the compassion is there in the relationship, but you're just a horny person and want more more more?
I dunno. I think that's just a cop-out. If you can't put your respect for your partner above your desire to touch big boobs then you don't have enough respect to maintain the relationship. Either that, or if your sexual needs are that demanding, you should be with a partner who can fulfill them.

My girl would never cheat on me. Because I use Sex Pantherâ„¢.
You know it, baby. Rawr.
 

Amythist

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Re: You're having a/an........

I dunno. I think that's just a cop-out. If you can't put your respect for your partner above your desire to touch big boobs then you don't have enough respect to maintain the relationship. Either that, or if your sexual needs are that demanding, you should be with a partner who can fulfill them.

You know it, baby. Rawr.
Get a room you two!!! hugs!!!
 

KommieKat

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Re: You're having a/an........

I dunno. I think that's just a cop-out. If you can't put your respect for your partner above your desire to touch big boobs then you don't have enough respect to maintain the relationship.
Hypothetical situation for all to ponder:

Your partner satisfies you in most all areas.
One area is lacking. You don't have less love for the person, but you seek out what they lack.

Exp: You love playing music. Your partner does not play an instrument.
You think it would be groovy if you both could do it together, but cannot.
So, you have a circle of friends to provide that need/want/desire to be satisfied.
Does not mean you love the person less.

Yes, I know my example is weak, but just for the sake of it.

So far, I am getting to impression from the replies in this thread that if you touch another body in a sexual manner, you have either no love or very little respect for your partner. Interesting.

Either that, or if your sexual needs are that demanding, you should be with a partner who can fulfill them.
But that is exactly what others do, but on a temporary basis.
Whether it be a full on fling, a fuck buddy or a whore.
Does not mean they find reason to leave them.

Thanks for your input anyways.
 

Violet

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Re: You're having a/an........

Your partner satisfies you in most all areas.
One area is lacking. You don't have less love for the person, but you seek out what they lack.

So far, I am getting to impression from the replies in this thread that if you touch another body in a sexual manner, you have either no love or very little respect for your partner. Interesting.
I get what you're saying, and if your partner is okay with you seeking out a sexual partner to fulfill what she lacks in, all the power to you.

If you have made a commitment to her, you knew going into the relationship that you were giving up these desires to be with her and only her. Breaking that commitment would be disrespectful. Breaking the commitment and then lying to cover it up is even more disrespectful.


In the end I think you just have to decide which is more important to you. A sexual fling is fleeting. You make sacrifices and compromises to be in any relationship, and so has your partner. If you feel so strongly about your sexual desires that they have become needs, discuss it with her. (It's possible she'd be willing to get a boob job! hehehe)
 

Shade

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Re: You're having a/an........

i think if something physcial is missing it is probly sexual incompatability. If a girl wants anal and whips and chains and a guy doesn't or vice versa, eventually they will want to try it. You can compermise and try stuff no doubt. And good communication helps. But if a girl HATES feet and a guy has a foot fetish, and it is important to him, or maybie its the only way he really gets off, guess what. he will want to try it. Sometimes people cheat as a one time thing. Not to hurt anyone, but to try out something they never had or probly will never get the chance to have. Personally i think if you have a good relastionship, you could still talk to your partner, and this is no excuse.

It's not unheard of for really strong couples that have great trust and communication, to allow their partner to expierence something else. It's just usually something that you have to know yourself. I doubt i would be able to do that in a relastionship. But then again, i have no problem trying anything.
 

funeeman

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Re: You're having a/an........

Hypothetical situation for all to ponder:

Your partner satisfies you in most all areas.
One area is lacking. You don't have less love for the person, but you seek out what they lack.

Exp: You love playing music. Your partner does not play an instrument.
You think it would be groovy if you both could do it together, but cannot.
So, you have a circle of friends to provide that need/want/desire to be satisfied.
Does not mean you love the person less.

Yes, I know my example is weak, but just for the sake of it.

So far, I am getting to impression from the replies in this thread that if you touch another body in a sexual manner, you have either no love or very little respect for your partner. Interesting.



But that is exactly what others do, but on a temporary basis.
Whether it be a full on fling, a fuck buddy or a whore.
Does not mean they find reason to leave them.

Thanks for your input anyways.
I was about to suggest the same thing. What if the relationship is good in every area but one. One that is important but does not out weigh the importance of all the other aspects of the relationship combined. Often times a fling actually saves a relationship because you get what you need from another source without allowing animosity, anger or resentment over the missing aspect to overshadow all the good things. But there is a very thin line that a person has to walk as it can be very hurtful to the innocent.
 

Shade

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Re: You're having a/an........

Hypothetical situation for all to ponder:

Your partner satisfies you in most all areas.
One area is lacking. You don't have less love for the person, but you seek out what they lack.

Exp: You love playing music. Your partner does not play an instrument.
You think it would be groovy if you both could do it together, but cannot.
So, you have a circle of friends to provide that need/want/desire to be satisfied.
Does not mean you love the person less.

Yes, I know my example is weak, but just for the sake of it.

So far, I am getting to impression from the replies in this thread that if you touch another body in a sexual manner, you have either no love or very little respect for your partner. Interesting.



But that is exactly what others do, but on a temporary basis.
Whether it be a full on fling, a fuck buddy or a whore.
Does not mean they find reason to leave them.

Thanks for your input anyways.

I think thats fine if both people know about it. I wouldn't call that cheating. I would call that an alternate relastionship. I think thats fine for some people. But i think going behind someones back for the simple sake of sex is defently selfish and cheap.
 

KommieKat

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Re: You're having a/an........

I was about to suggest the same thing. What if the relationship is good in every area but one. One that is important but does not out weigh the importance of all the other aspects of the relationship combined. Often times a fling actually saves a relationship because you get what you need from another source without allowing animosity, anger or resentment over the missing aspect to overshadow all the good things. But there is a very thin line that a person has to walk as it can be very hurtful to the innocent.
That is hitting the hammer on the head.

Most folks are giving some very good reasons as to NOT have an affair and I respect that, but my thread was about the reasons why.

Seems from your reply, there may be a justifiable reason to do so.